


S is for Neither Stars Nor Bars

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cam struggles with the events of The Quest</p>
            </blockquote>





	S is for Neither Stars Nor Bars

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fig's Cam Alphabet Soup

Cam could have flown home; in fact, he very nearly did. But there was something about that flat open road that called to him. His dad used to joke that it was the ‘prairie boy’ in him; that somewhere deep within, he still held a genetic stamp of bravely crossing those Western plains in a Conestoga wagon. If it had been summer, he would have taken the bike but he settled for his Mustang with the windows wide open and the heat turned up, his foot so heavy on the accelerator that he was a state trooper’s dream-come-true. Even at that speed, he felt like he was standing still or, worse yet, losing ground.

He didn’t know if he was racing toward nothing or in a head-long rush to get away from something.

*

He embraced the normalcy of his family farm almost desperately; Kansas seemed a million miles away from the SGC. Relaxing into the quiet, he let his mother fuss over him, let his dad beat him at poker, took long walks through the barren fields. In no time, the fragile wheat and corn would be planted, would poke through the earth to seek the sun.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Cam squinted up as his dad worked his way through the dusty barn to sit on the bench seat salvaged from a long abandoned truck.

“Sounds like you need to change the air filter,” Cam shifted the Tootsie Pop in his mouth as he tinkered with the car.

“Not the car, son. What’s wrong with you?” He gave his son a stern look. “You haven’t started smoking again, have you?”

Cam toasted him with the lollipop. “That’s what these things are for. And there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“You drop in unexpected. You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping and you’ve walked from here to Omaha and back.” His voice softened. “Talk to me, boy.”

Cam started to deny it again then dropped his head onto the car. “Something happened, Dad. Something really, really bad.”

“I know it’s classified but tell me what you can.” Frank patted the seat beside him.

He flopped down beside his father, giving his hands most of his attention. “We lost a guy.” 

A soft oath escaped his father. “Dead?”

“We don’t know. He….we were trapped, he was on our six, he engaged one of the enemy, gave us time to get away. I thought he’d be right behind us, he said he’d be right behind us! I ordered the rest of the team to retreat and he….they must have overpowered him. We made it home, Dad, and he didn’t.”

“You don’t know if he’s dead, then?”

“MIA is the official line. I think…at least one of the enemy would like to get their hands on him so there’s a chance he’s still alive, just…”

Cam felt his dad’s large hand on his knee. “I’m sorry, son. It’s a hard thing to lose a soldier. I think it might be a harder thing to not know.”

“The worst thing, Dad, is that he wasn’t a soldier, he was a civilian. I took an oath to protect him in the field and I couldn’t do a damned thing! It’s not right!”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. “You think it should have been the other way around? You should have sacrificed yourself to save him?”

“Yeah, that’s what I think.”

“Sacrifice is a funny word. Rolls off the tongue pretty easy but it’s damned hard to live up to. Don’t make light of his decision, son. It’s not the stars and bars that make the man; it’s what’s inside.” Frank slid his hand around his son’s back. “I know you’re not supposed to get attached to the guys you command but it’s inevitable that you come to care about them. I don’t know what kind of man he is but, evidently, he thought the team was worth the sacrifice.”

“Lose one, save four.” Cam tossed the oily rag at the car, absurdly touched that his father had referred to Daniel in the present tense, that he hadn’t automatically slotted him into the past. “He would have thought those were acceptable odds.”

“Then he made the right choice. Ask your mother to say a prayer for him if that’ll make you feel better.”

Cam dug in his pocket for another lollipop. “Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea.” 

His dad tweaked the sucker from his hand as he stood. “Ruin your supper with all this candy.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Cam nodded as he hesitated. “I’m fine, Dad, really. Tell Mom I’ll be right there. I’m just gonna finish her car then I’ll be in.” And standing there in that golden Kansas sunset, Cam added a little prayer of his own.


End file.
